Saga of the old(new) digital camera

My dad's cheapness has been well documented. His latest foray into the dark underbelly of frugality was the "Christmas Gift" that I received at Thanksgiving: His old digital camera. By giving it at Thanksgiving he saved on postage and wrapping paper, a card, scotch tape, waiting in line, etc.

The reason I got the old camera is that he got a new one. Well, actually he got the next to new one, a 5 MegaPixel camera, last years model. It was cheaper than the latest one, and only had 1 MegaPixel less resolution. That 1 MegaPixel margin between old and new model is the entire capacity of the camera that he gave me. It is so old that when it was new, a MegaPixel was a big deal. It even says on the front: MegaPixel. I am surprised that it didn't appear in italics with an exclamation point:

MegaPixel!

My dad outlined his scheme to me over the phone, it was like listening to the confession of a hardened criminal mastermind.

"I tried to hold on to the old camera until it was on it's last photo, then give it away. That way I save on a new gift for you, plus I squeeze every last bit of good out of my purchase". "If done correctly, the gift camera will fail the first picture you try and take with it".

I imagine me loading fresh batteries into the thing and hitting the shutter button. Nothing happens, and a few seconds later, a wisp of acrid white smoke rises woefully from CF card slot. Pisser, I hiss to myself under my breath, while in Indiana, my father shoots card after card full of 5 MegaPixel Technicolor wonder, giggling.

Actually, he made several cardinal errors:

1. The camera still works, even after 200 photos. (No dad, you can't have it back!)
2. He forgot and left 4 NiMH batteries in the camera case. He told me that, and I quote:
"The batteries might be showing some age". Meaning, that roadkill squirrel brains are capable of generating more voltage than these batteries. He was wrong, I charged them and they work fine! Fine, I tell you. You can't have them back either. HA!

The problem with the camera is that it is so large compared to modern digital cameras that it is embarrassing to take pictures with it. I get comments. For example:

"How old is that camera? I have never seen one the size of a brick".

"Does that thing come with it's own power plant"?

"Wow, four batteries, from the size of the camera I thought that they would be D Cells"

So to avoid embarrassment, I preempt the comments by telling folks that my dad bought himself a new digital camera, and he gave me his old one. Then I whip out the brick and they laugh.

After taking half a dozen photos, the camera starts to get warm, as it draws 2 Amps out of the batteries. 2 Amps is enough current to damage internal organs .

The reason that I am bitter is that my dad gave my good Olympus OM-1 SLR camera to my cousin for Christmas several years ago. He claims that he forgot that it was mine, by I am not buying that, no sir. I think he needed a gift, and needed it cheap and did not have time to scour the highway for roadkill tools, plus it was too cold to forage for them. He went to the basement and -voila! There is was, the OM-1, and I was in Belgium, why would I care? Or more likely, would I notice? Or if I did, it would be long enough before I noticed the OM-1 was missing that I would think I had lost it myself.

Out of remorse (or on the off chance that I might not take him up on the offer, and he would be off free) he bought me a digital camera the next Christmas, an HP, arguably the worst digital camera ever made. The battery compartment door broke in the first two months I had it. I held the batteries in it with a paperclip and duct tape, and used it that way for half a decade. Why? Because, I am cheaper than he is, if such a thing is possible. I threw that camera away a year ago, tired of the batteries falling out and the duct tape sticking to my hands when taking pictures. If you put the thing in your pocket, it came back out with all of your pocket lint, change and gum wrappers stuck to it. It looked like a ball of pocket trash with a very bright flash. I have not missed it a bit, but I still miss that OM-1...