LiberalCCW Political Article

Even with the title "LiberalCCW" this blog contains little outright political writing. Today, that is going to change! It's LiberalCCW's take on the candidates!

In no particular order:

1: Fred ThompsonFred's candidacy takes the form of a "presidential rubber suit" stretched over Fred, who moves the mouth and eyes. He looks like a real candidate, he sounds like a real candidate, but under it all, he will always just be an actor in a rubber suit.

2: Barack Obama:

Young, inexperienced, thin, good looking, but with attitude, drive and a good dose of the force, Obama is a top contender. Once in office, he will not turn to the dark side.

3: Ron Paul:



Ron Paul is not a Doctor from Texas, he is actually a Jedi Master. Ron Paul has served The Old Republic with honor for years. He would die for The Republic, and he has dedicated his life to preserving it and opposing the Empire. Paul has two shortcomings:

a: His policies are a bit squirrely.
b: He is as old as dirt.

4: Hillary ClintonHillary sees that she can grab [Emperor Voice] Absolute Powah! And I can guarantee the results will not be pretty. I will let you in on another little secret: Not all liberals like Hillary. I don't like her because of her rehashed '90s agenda, and because I fear that she will abuse the power of US law enforcement.

5. Mitt Romney:


Innocent looking and polite, Mitt looks shiny and presidential. However, the Republic has never had a 'droid President. Most fundamentalist humans think that 'droids core beliefs don't line up with traditional human beliefs, and fear that Mitt will be more loyal to his 'droid leaders than to the cause of the Republic.

6. Mike Huckabee:

Never EVER vote for anyone who while preaching one religion, promises to increase the troop levels, military funding and broaden the scope of an ongoing war against factions of another religion. I'm sayin' it now: It's baaaaad mojo.

7. Bill Richardson:
Bill Richardson is Liberal CCW's personal choice for US President in the 2008 Elections. He believes in citizens rights to bear arms, yet is against the two generations of war planned by the current U.S. leader. Unfortunately, Bill Richardson is so unattractive as to be unelectable, a pitiable truth in this era of televised presidential debates. I would suggest shaving Richardson's entire body in order to make him more attractive to female voters, but I fear that the resulting denuded Richardson would be even less attractive than the current hairy version, if such a thing were possible.

8. Alan Keyes:

It has been suggested that Alan Keys is the Republican answer to Barack Obama. I disagree. He is thin, good looking, has attitude and drive, but unlike Obama, Keys actually has experience, and a PhD. from Harvard to boot.

9. Rudy Giuliani:

Rudy Giuliani, otherwise know as "Darth Tyranus", or "the Other Sith Lord", has worked for the Dark Side of the Force for years. Like Hillary, he is from New York, and even though he acts like he is Republican, he is actually an undead New York Liberal wearing a black cape.

10. Dennis Kucinich:
Small, furry, cute, and dangerous to his foes if they get too close, Dennis Kucinich is resourceful and can put up a good fight for his size. Many a presidential debate has featured Kuchinch slashing away at the ankles of much larger candidates.


Now for two others, one who has conceded and one who has yet to announce his candidacy:


A. Tom Tancredo:
Mr. Tancredo's short campaign could have been likened to a mental event horizon: Good ideas, words and thoughts never came out of it. Long periods of intellectually void silence were interrupted by occasional loud political burps. No one wanted to see what was actually under all of that sand.


B. Al Gore:
Gore is seen here at the 2007 Nobel prize ceremony, accepting his Peace Prize for his work to bring attention to the pollution of his home planet's atmosphere. Gore is the most famous of the candidates, has excellent experience, and recycles all of his personal greenhouse emissions inside his stylish suit made of recyclable polylactic acid produced from cornstarch. The suit comes with an attractive matching helmet which reflects UV rays and organic sheepswool cape, approved by GAIA. Gore is working with scientists to find a way to announce his candidacy that actually absorbs carbon dioxide. As soon as they are finished, Gore will announce!

The Ways of The Thrifty

My father woke me up with a phone call at around 9:00 AM, to wish me a Merry Christmas. He had to fill me in on his day's activities.

You have to understand that my dad's activities revolve around one thing:

Thrift.

He planned on eating lunch with an older couple at the local retirement home. Let me check off the requirements:

1: Gift giving required: No..... Check
2: Close to home to save on gas: Yes.......Check
3: No entry fee or ticket cost: No.........Check
4: Free food:Yes.........Check

If my father had been invited to drive to Indianapolis to get the free Christmas lunch he would have performed the following calculation in less than a second, in his head, while on the phone with the lunch host:

Hmmm. Let's see, gas is $2.79 a gallon, Indianapolis is 177 miles away, the Miata gets 26 miles to the gallon, that 177/26=6.8 gallons. At $2.79, that's $18.99, rounded up to $19. I could go to Gropps for $12 plus a 20%...... no make that a 15% tip for $13.80 and Gropps is 12 miles away, 24 mile round trip, so that's......... hey, wait a cotton pickin' minute, the Indianapolis calculation is only for one way, let's see, thats 2x$19 is $38. No way Jose! Man, am I glad that I thought of that before I got to Kokomo!

And so, he begs off of the invite from the big city to dine closer to home.

Needles to say he is sharing free Christmas lunch 1.9 miles from his house. His calculation was simple: (2*1.9 Miles) / 26 Miles per gallon = 0.146 gallons. 0.146 gallons * $2.79/gallon = 40.7 cents! Oh Baby!!

If he's lucky he will get to carry some leftovers home and both he and the dog will eat tomorrow for free, so it's essentially the same thing as free money!

Free money is hard to come by in Amish country.

The Merry Christmas phone call ended when my dad reminded me that we were not on night and weekend minutes on the cellphone. Immediately my wheels began to spin:

600 minutes total, today is the 25th, so we have probably used about 200 minutes, this call has been 15 minutes, leaving 385 minutes until the 14th of January. That's 20 days away, leaving 19 minutes and 15 seconds of daytime talk per day. And we have to get through all of the family calls on New Years which is also on a weekday. Ouch, this could be costly!

But what I blurted in less than a second was: OKMerryChristmasloveyoulotscallyouafternine!!

Click.

Twenty minutes later, my mother, who has been trained for decades in The Ways of The Thrifty by my father called me (on a VOIP line). She gave me the rundown of my father's day, in much more detail. She said that his aunt had died and gave me details of the funeral. I am willing to bet, that after 7:00 PM (when HIS talk is cheap) my dad will call me and tell me about his aunt and the funeral.

Mouse Dentist: A Short Story for Children.

Our new pet mouse "Scooter" has serious dental problems. His upper and lower incisors are misaligned, with his lowers sticking out the front of the left side of his mouth, and his uppers growing back into his mouth. This leaves him unable to chew, which for a mouse is the primary pastime. The serious consequence of this misalignment is that his teeth grow continuously, and if left growing, the uppers would pierce his skull and kill him in a matter of weeks.

Enter the Mouse Dentist. Armed with a very small pair of fingernail clippers, the Dentist trims the lower incisors first, then with a clear working path, trims the uppers. The uppers don't grow parallel to each other, so this requires two snips. The hard work is actually performed by the Dental Assistant, who holds Scooter perfectly still and upside down for the duration of the dental visit. Mice don't like being upside down. Scooter tends to kick his back legs and squeak during his visit to the dentist.

Scooter has come to recognize the fingernail clippers and will try to turn and bury his face in his tummy when he sees them. The dentist however, is lightning fast. Since Scooter literally couldn't chew his way out of a wet brown paper bag, the Dentist has no fear for the safety of his fingers. After his dental visit, Scooter licks his lips for about ten minutes, as if he can't believe that his teeth are short again.

When his teeth are getting long again, Scooter runs around his cage with a cashew nut stuck on his lower incisors. This lets the Dentist know it is time for a follow up visit.

Sitemeter Feedback and Suggestions

To all of you searching for a solution to the tough goat meat problem, I suggest an hour or two in a pressure cooker. (The goat meat! Not you, silly.) It works wonders.

For the many searching google for Bipolar and CCW, please read my advice.

For the searchers for Fake Urine, And How To Use It, I suggest, respectfully that you get off of the dope. Really. You life will be much better. How degrading is it to walk into the Dr. Office wearing a bag containing someone else's urine between your legs? Apparently not as degrading as getting fired. If you are having trouble kicking the habit, try rehab. While I admit that rehab is degrading, rehab has to be less degrading than prison.

To all of you searching for Lance Armstrong's Hematocrit Level: I don't know what it is, was or will be. Ask Dr. Ferrari.

Conditions at Work

One coworker (worker 1) of mine runs to the window and makes amorous cat noises any time a cute girl walks by. We work at a University, so this happens every 7.5 seconds, on average, making him seem as if he has Tourettes syndrome. Another coworker (worker 2) has been acting loopy lately, as he has stopped making sense in his conversations (with other people) and has taken to listening to Buddy Holly tunes on his PC speakers......at full volume. It's like having a front seat at the Ed Sullivan show, with Ed filming live in a three story industrial pilot plant.

I imagine how it must seem to people walking by when they hear the roar of machinery mixed with overdriven speakers blasting "Peggy Sue.....Peggy Sue......My Peggy Sue....Hooo, Hooo, Hooo!" They look to see a man in his late 20's with his nose pressed pig-like against the glass, eyeing them with a lurid glare, the glass fogging rhythmically as he shouts "meeee-ooowww, grrrrrrr.........meeee-ooowwww!" at them.

Our bookkeeper is in his 70's and keeps forgetting how to enter overtime pay into the accounting system. Instead of asking someone to show him how to do it, he just doesn't enter overtime hours. This works the girl-ogling coworker into a foaming lather, and he and the bookkeeper get into shouting matches. For weeks now, the girl-ogler opens his paycheck, eyes it with one eye, while monitoring the window with the other, and emits a stream of expletives. I secretly wonder if he has ever gotten any of his overtime pay. He has been here for three years.

After one of these shouting matches over overtime pay, as coworker 1 was running to the window, and coworker 2 was trying out Richie Valens at 110 dB, I had the following conversation with a visiting scientist:

Me: "Well coworkers 1 and 2 are crazy".

Scientist: "How so"?

Me: "Watch 1 run to the window, and listen to the noises he is making. Look at worker 2 at the control panel for the machine, talking to himself, he has not made sense in a thing he said all day. I am afraid that when I go to check on him, I will find him sucking his thumb and listening to the Muppets singing "The 12 days of Christmas".

Scientist: "True, 1 does run to the window an awful lot".

Me: "And our bookeeper is senile".

Scientist: (Laughing) "I know that is true! If everyone here is so flawed, what is your problem"?

Me: (Telling absolute truth): "I have a tension headache".

Scary Sunday

Three things added up to scare me in the last 24 hours:

1. I went with friends to see "I am Legend" last night. It is the first Zombie movie I have ever seen. It is the scariest movie I have ever seen, and it is in the top five best movies I have ever seen. Whatever Will Smith got paid for his role, they should double it, and send him a check. I had nightmares all night that I was stumbling around a deserted Manhattan in the dark with an Surefire equipped M-4 and a dog.

2. Someone hit this blog from a google search for, and I quote: "gun permit and bipolar in tn". At this point, I am going to offer some unsolicited advice:

• If you are bipolar: DO NOT BUY A GUN, DO NOT APPLY FOR A GUN PERMIT!
• If you know someone who is applying for a gun (ccw) permit who is bipolar and trying to slip through cracks in the system: NOTIFY THE AUTHORITIES........TODAY!

3. Someone else hit the blog from GlaxoSmithKline in the UK with google search for: "Lance Armstrong Hematocrit".

Combine the out of control medical companies from 3 above with homicidal humans who cannot tell right from wrong from 2 above and you get the entire plot from "I am Legend" and the gist of my nightmares from last night.

Blogging, Criticism and Eternity

After reading a post on Tam's blog about verbal abuse in blog comments, I started thinking about this new communication medium: Andy Warhol was right about the 15 minutes of fame, and the future is now. When I read Chaucer's Canterbury Tales, I am reading Chaucer's impression of his 14th century English compatriots. Sanitized by Chaucer, packaged by a master so as to be just as human today as they were then.

One thing that Warhol did not foresee: Digital archiving of the written word. From Chaucer's time, flash forward around 600 years, and we don't need Chaucer's ribald, yet sanitized impression of the current breed of commoner, we get it straight from the commoners themselves. Imagine if we could read the writings of the common man of 1400. Would they be any more lucid or forward thinking than our trolling troglodytes of today?

Flash forward 600 years from today. December 14th 2608, mid afternoon. In a classroom on mars, high school students are studying the early 21st century, reading the views of the common citizen of the USA regarding the "War on Terror". They will read our blog postings, our comments on other blogs, our letters to the editor, all of it. Our racial slurs against our enemy, our hot blooded arguments and taunts, all there for all of humanity to read, our writings will live on as long as humanity does. Thanks to DARPA and Al Gore, we are all as Plato, our words carved into stone for all eternity, although some of us carve with bent chisels.

Now for the flip side, as mentioned above by Tam. Just as everyone can be a writer in this new medium, they can also be critics, and some are not aware that their words will outlive their grandchildren.

A day in the life...

This morning I woke up at 7:00. We drove our friend's car to my dentist appointment because the Chrysler transmission was in "limp mode" after coming home from our end of the semester celebration dinner. Apparently the Chrysler is in no mood to celebrate.

At the dentist, while accompanied by Bing Crosby Christmas tunes, the petite, blond hygienist went at my teeth with what can only be described as a death metal shred guitar technique. It seemed like she used a low E guitar string to floss. Afterwards I felt like I had fallen off of my bike and gotten road rash on my gums. My teeth however, are spotless!

We drove our friends car back home and we tried the Chrysler out in the parking lot, but when we put it in gear we only heard one thump. This indicates that it is in limp mode. Two thumps and you are good to go. No thumps mean the engine stalled when you shifted from park to drive. You can also see square boxes around the PND3L indicators on the dash when in limp mode... if the instrument cluster is working. As the instrument cluster was not working this morning, we relied on the one thump/two thump method. I grabbed a ratchet and 5/16" socket and disconnected the transmission control module (TCM) under the hood of the Chrysler to reset the fault code that causes the car to drive in limp mode, where 3000 RPM gets you about 30 MPH. After 10 seconds I reconnected the TCM, listened and when shifting into drive heard two thumps, and so, we drove in to work.

In the parking garage, I passed the car with the I Brake For Meteorites! bumper sticker. I have never seen the driver, but I am willing to bet that he is a nerd.

At work, at 10:35, the door was still locked. Friday at the University! No one else is here, except for Dr. Death, who is, at the moment I write this, still alive.

At my desk, I logged into the webserver for our new lab and was pleasantly rewarded with a log file that shows that the firewall I configured has kept the Chinese out. I rushed the server into production for my boss, and kept hearing a "tick........tick..........tick" from the hard disk as the machine updated the failed login logfile. Someone had been trying to brute force into the machine with computer generated usernames and passwords. From the logs, it appears that the attacks came from China. After messing around with it for a while I found a good configuration for the PF firewall, that allows all web traffic, and allows only me to administer the machine. I reinstalled OpenBSD 4.2 and set up PF with logging, and have to say that OpenBSD is the best OS that I have ever used for a server. I also use it on another computer for a desktop machine, and am typing this right now on it in Firefox.

In my Email Inbox, I see that I have won the Irish Lottery.

One interesting hit to this blog from yesterday was a BellSouth customer from Birmingham Alabama looking for "ccw Desert Eagle" on google. Problems in Birmingham must be worse than I thought. My sage advice: Dude, get a 1911, then you will be able to defend your family and people won't laugh at you behind your back.



(Me with Laurence welk voice): And now, I leave you with Slayer playing an interpretive number titled "Raining Blood". I wonder if the song writer from Slayer and I go to the same dentist office?

Dr. Death

Last week a researcher was running some tests with our equipment, and he had a machine he needed to hook up to it. All was well and good, until I saw that he had all of the power cables taped together with electrical tape. And the tape kept coming loose.

Things got worse when he plugged it in and hit the power button. He let out a squeak and jumped about six inches in the air, as it gave him a good jolt. Needless to say, I stayed away from Dr. Death's end of the apparatus. When he turned it off again, he let out another squeak and once again jumped a good six inches in the air. The rest of the day was punctuated with a series of these squeaks and jumps, visible and audible bookends to his experiments.

Let me break in right now and say that what I have heard is true: A common person, when shocked by electrical equipment, will never touch it again. A scientist when shocked by electrical equipment will touch it again within a few seconds to see if he/she is dealing with a persistent phenomenon.

The next day, Dr. Death had plugged in the offending piece of hardware and was was troubleshooting the problem. When he turned on the equipment, the breaker tripped and the coke machine and everything else along the wall turned off. For an hour, out of the corner of my eye, as I was working, I could see the coke machine turning on and off as Dr. Death troubleshot his equipment. All the while, I kept a wooden broom handle handy in case I had to pry him, smoking, from the object of his fascination.

I walked over to observe his work, he had the cover off of the device and was probing around with an unshielded screwdriver. There were black arc burns on the back panel, on the power switch, on some interior parts, and on the bottom of the case. He had shortcut several of the circuits, and many of the wires were wrapped in electrical tape, much like his power cords from yesterday.

"I found the problem". Said Dr. Death.

"What is it"? I asked.

"I melted the ground wire, and the hot, and now the case goes hot every time I plug it in".

I gave him the "well...duh" look.

"This situation is very dangerous, I am lucky that I did not get killed". He said, then laughed a good belly laugh.

Later that day I had to go ask Dr. Death a question, he was in his office.

"Take the broom handle with you". Said my coworker. "You might have to pry him off of something when you get there".

Captain Shameful

Our dog has worms, and he wonders why we don't let him on the couch with us anymore. He used to run into the bedroom to greet us in the morning, now he runs into my knee as I block the door to keep him out. We call him Captain Shameful.

He has been on the wormer two days, and seems to be about wormed out. He misses the companionship and company of a nap shared in front of the TV, but who wants to nap with a wormy dog?

The wormer cost $40 at PetSmart. The first dose put an end to several days of him dragging his posterior around and around on the carpet. At one point he was doing laps on the carpet like he was on a solo breakaway on the Champs-Élysées.

Dad: In light of Spike's visit at Thanksgiving, may I wholeheartedly suggest that you get your dog on wormer. It would not help your house sale AT ALL if your Realtor is giving her schpiel and Spike motors past doing the butt scratching boogie, leaving a trail of wrigglers on the carpet. You thought that the home finance crash was making your home hard to sell, imagine what Spike would do to your chances.

Thanksgiving Goat

This Thanksgiving, I toyed with the idea of a nontraditional meal, namely replacing the traditional bird with: Goat.

To test our goat's meat cooking abilities before the big day, we purchased goat ribs from the local halal market, and I unwrapped them for cooking later in the evening and I was surprised to find that raw goat meat has no detectable odor, something that cannot be said for live goat. I heated some butter in a pan set on medium-high heat and placed the ribs in the pan. Goat needs less heat than beef, so turned the burner down to medium. After five minutes, I flipped them and after ten minutes, they were done. I will admit that while odorless when raw, goat meat has a strong smell when cooking. Like amplified lamb.

Goat is good. The flavor is a cross between horse and lamb. The ribs are much fattier than horse, and are are much tastier than horse steak. Have lots of napkins ready to wipe the goat grease off of you lips. This is never a problem you have with horse, have you ever seen a fat horse?

When I lived in Europe, I survived on horse steaks. When eating horse, the only problem I encountered is large amounts of gristle. After a particularly stringy horse steak, I would end up with a little pile of horse gristle spitballs on my plate. I always thought that this horse gristle is probably from a work-horse or race-horse, or the pet pony of a 300 pound kid who rode the pony ever day, until she killed it. Now after the poor pony suffered for years under the obese child, the final insult is on my plate as a bad horse steak, rendered inedible due to the strain of carrying the fat kid. I always thought that they should have little stickers on the horse meat that rated the toughness of the meat.

Like the Fujita Scale for Tornadoes, below is the LiberalCCW Horse Meat Toughness Scale (LHTS):

Soft
Medium
Tough
Man 'O War
Amish Work Horse
Fat Kid's Pony

Back to the goat ribs, the were so good that I cooked seconds. The next day I kept thinking of the leftover uncooked goatsribs in the fridge. Mmmmmmm. When I got home, I cooked them up. Man, they were good.

Thanksgiving rolled around and we went to the halal market and I bought goat shoulder. Not ribs, I figured were were ready for the big time. We made a BBQ of shoulder and had it ready when the guests arrived.

The trouble started when I tried to stick a plastic fork into a chunk of goat meat and broke the tines off of the fork. I crossed my fingers that the plastic moldsman had had gone to work drunk and produced a bad batch of forks. I tried another fork and tried to get meat off of the bone. No luck.

Only by biting and chewing with extreme malice, could I get any goat meat from the bone. I was afraid that I would pull on the bone, and hear a snap and find the roots of my incisors sticking from the goat shoulder.

The goat was the consistency of Pykrete reinforced with Spectra, even worse in toughness than fat kid's pony, if such a thing were possible. Suitable for ballistic armor tough.

But it did taste good.

One of our guests, a Saudi, through a mouthful of goat said: "You know that you have to boil goat for 3 hours or it will be tough".

"How long did you cook it"? He asked.

"About twenty minutes". I replied.

"That explains it". He said, and continued his furious chewing.

Ron Paul and The Skunk Ape

Yesterday federal agents raided the distribution center for Liberty Dollars. 20 Ron Paul coins were selling for 20 USD yesterday, and are at over 300 USD today.
The affadavit filed by the .gov states:

That Norfed was "uttering coins of gold, silver, or other metal," "making or possessing likeness of coins," mail fraud, wire fraud, money laundering and conspiracy. "The goal of Norfed is to undermine the United States government's financial systems by the issuance of a non-governmental competing currency for the purpose of repealing the Federal Reserve and Internal Revenue Code."

The moral of this story is:

If you want to run for the US Presidency and win, don't run on a platform of Constitutional Values. Don't say things like: " I will eliminate the IRS". Or, "I will fold up the CIA". Thats just crazy talk, and a good way to get the audit of the century, followed by a bullet through the brain from a "lone assasin" shooting from .... a school book depository for instance.

If you want to get elected as US President, and not get shot in the head by the CIA during your first year in office, you need to promise the following, at bare minimum:

1. I will increase the effectiveness of our great military.
2. I will increase the size and scope of our intelligence communities.
3. I will get handguns and assault rifles off of America's streets, except for the Federally Owned Kind.
   
4. After disarming you, I will do a better job of protecting you from the fascists, communists, drug addicts, illegal immigrants, radical islamists, the skunk ape and all other bogeymen, except for those on our payroll. (The skunk ape was taken off of the Federal payroll in 1998.)
5. I will do all of the above while reducing taxes, and the size of the Government!

The Skunk Ape in Myakka, FL in 2000. He tried to pay for dinner at IHOP with Liberty Dollars. Now the Feds are on his trail.

Our High-Tech Alarm System

We have a high tech alarm system in our apartment. It constantly monitors all doors and windows and will sound a very loud alarm if they are tampered with. It also alerts us if there is smoke in the apartment. While highly sensitive, it never issues false alarms for thunder claps, honking cars, or rednecks fighting in the street.

It's central computer, consisting of proprietary neural network code, running on hardware about the size of a walnut, rapidly learns which threats to alert us to, and which to ignore. It has learned to ignore my wife and I as we approach the apartment, as it now knows that we are supposed to be there. It has determined that the best place to monitor the apartment for intruders at night is the path from the front door to the bedroom, as anything attacking us would have to pass through that space.

The biggest problem we have had with our alarm system is that it liked to chew on it's rear chassis. It would munch for hours, and if you gave it a whack on it's central computer housing, it would stop for a few minutes and then go back into the endless rear chassis-munching loop.

At one point we purchased a large plastic cone to keep the central computer housing end of the alarm system from being able to reach the rear chassis of the alarm system, which worked, but looked ridiculous. The alarm system had the appearance of a satellite dish. If we could plug a cord into the central alarm system and get TV, I would be all for it, but our alarm system is wireless. Add to this that the alarm system also doubles as the first line of home defense, as the central computer housing end of the alarm system is armed with a hinged array of sharp spikes, designed to inflict pain on intruders. The rear chassis protecting cone degraded the physical threat of the spike array, made it more of a joke really. There was one positive benefit: The cone amplified the volume of the auditory alarm by directing the sound in one direction, making the alarm system sound as if it were three times it's actual size. This multiplied the perceived threat to intruders, however if they did see the alarm system, they would have merely laughed, then robbed us.

We removed the alarm system from the house and took it to a repair specialist who suggested that dust and pollen contamination of the alarm system were causing the rear chassis-munching glitch.

After applying the fix (anabolic steroids) suggested by the repair specialist, our alarm system has not munched it's rear chassis once. The fix did result in an increase in the gain of the response signal to incoming stimuli, and as a result the alarm system sounds now for squirrels and falling leaves. Gone is the cone, and the endless rear chassis munching.

Knox County resident shoots burglar

Via the Knox News Sentinel.

Good job Mr. Garland!

Green Badge Of Nerdy-ness

Via Tam, a page that rates the reading level of blogs:

My results:

...Which is funny considering I write this blog on construction paper with a purple crayon held in my fist, and then have my wife type it in to blogger for me.

Interestingly, the US Republican Party page rates College Undergraduate.

The US Democratic Party page rates...... you guessed it: Genius!

The White House? High School.

Rush Limbaugh: Genius. Evil Genius.

The true test, however was the work page that I created for our new research lab: Genius, baby!

Cat travel story

Coming from a family with a history of cat travel mis-adventures, this cracked me up.

Mennonite Central Committee

I added a link to the Mennonite Central Committee in the links bar. Feel free to give them a visit!

Recent Visits from Richmond VA to Liberal CCW.

So I don't have that many readers. Actually, I have three: My Dad, Tam, and an occasional visit from ColtCCO.

This weekend I had three visits from the Verizon Netblock in Richmond VA to the archive of my NSA/Lingualistek story.

Interestingly I am not the only one who thinks that Lingualistek is an NSA front company.

I wonder if they are reading?

If so, you will love my upcoming post on the CIA and Second Life.


Bwaaaa Haaa Haaa Haaa......

Public Opinion War Statistics.

A poll released yesterday by the Associated Press made it official: Americans are more likely to believe in ghosts (34 percent) than to believe that President Bush is doing a good job with the war in Iraq (29 percent).

(Washington Post) May require free registration.

UT: "We have no duty to protect students"

As UT's legal counsel stated yesterday. "We have no duty to protect students."

At UT this went over like a lead balloon.

Student's conversations overheard today :

"Why do we have blue phones then?" - Note the dead link to blue phones at UTPD web page.

"Why do we have an SMS alert system?"

"Are we supposed to call KPD instead of UTPD?"

"Is $300,0000 more important to UT than the UT image to Alumni, current and future students?"

Hmmm. Let me get this straight. UT simultaneously denies its duty to protect it's students, and strongly insists it has the duty of preventing them from defending themselves:

Pursuant to TCA 39-17-1309 it is a FELONY offense for any person to carry a weapon on University property. This applies even to individuals who possess a valid Tennessee Handgun Carry permit. Individuals who possess these permits are NOT authorized to carry a weapon on any University owned or controlled property.

UT has created a target-rich victim zone and then turned their backs on the past and future victims.

Go Vols! And go defenseless! And go quickly, lest you get hit in the head with a brick in a poorly lit parking garage.

Lead and Crime

The NYT has an interesting article about the post leaded gasoline drop in the blood lead levels of the US public and a corresponding drop in crime.

Makes me wonder about reloaders and folks that work at indoor ranges...

Wikipedia edits, blogs and the CIA

I was reading Wikipedia today and looking at anonymous edits at the Wikipedia Scanner. The CIA netblock has many anonymous Wikipedia page edits, including edits to the user page of "Acadac" from IP address 198.81.129.193. Interestingly Acadac's Wiki page links to Acadac's AOL Page, where I learned that Acadac's "real" name is David Calvin Andrus, Ph.D. A quick google search and I found that Andrus is the Chief Technology Officer, Center for Mission Innovation at the CIA.

A search of the IP address 198.81.129.193 on Wiki Scanner yields a list of edits to a wide range of Wiki articles on the topics of The Director of National Intelligence, Encryption, the TV show Jericho, The Year 2000 Problem, etc. Most edits seemed to be of items that the IP address owner was interested in on a personal level.

Three questions:

1. Is 198.81.129.193 the IP address of the desktop computer of the CIA Chief Technology Officer of the Center for Mission Innovation?

2. What are the implications for the accuracy of Wikipedia's information if the CIA is manipulating the global "open source" encyclopedia? I say, who cares?

3. Should Dr. Andrus be tweaking his Wikipedia user page from his work machine?

Using google, Wikipedia Scanner and Arin, I was able to find that the Chief Technology Officer, Center for Mission Innovation at the CIA is named Dr. Andrus, that he is a Mormon with five children, that he has a Blogger.com blog.

From the blog's sitemeter counter, I found that he is a Cox Cable subscriber, that he uses Windows XP, and that he browses with Firefox. I know that he was at home at his computer from 8:02 to 8:48 PM on October 18th 2007.

With the ATT Whitepages, I found that he lives in Sterling Virgina at 1947 E Beech Rd and his home phone number is 703-444-9169 (a Verizon landline). His wife's name is Janet, middle initial G. I know what books he reads, what music he listens to, what he looks like. I read the family Christmas letter from 1995, and know the kids names and hobbies. I looked at his house on maps.google.com.

I was thinking to myself that his means that someone could find out this much about me with the same amount of effort. I wonder if our society become too information based?

I did this from Tennessee, but could have just as easily found this information from China or North Korea, or (gasp) Iran. Imagine the infrastructure and expense that the Soviets would have needed to get this info on Dr. Andrus in circa 1955. I got it in 15 minutes, for free.

By the way, Dr. Andrus' blog is fascinating, so I added a link, right below the Communist Party USA.

12:35 PM 10/22/07 Edit: In an interesting display of recursion, a google search for the Andrus home phone number lists this blog entry as the third link.

The Database is Never Wrong

Have you ever been shopping at WalMart and had fruit ring up as fishing tackle? I have. The clerk closely examined the fruit to make sure it was actually fruit, not fishing tackle masquerading as fruit.

Convincing the .gov that it's database contains an error is next to impossible. If you are alive, and oracle thinks you are dead, you might be dead before you convince the .gov otherwise. Even worse than death, what if oracle thinks that you are, at this very moment holding someone hostage at gunpoint and hopped up on drugs?

Case in point.

Ultimate Cross Country Trip

Wired has a fascinating article on the breaking of the NYC/LA driving record.

My dad's ultimate road trip.

WWI Blog

While reading about WWI on wikipedia, I stumbled on a blogger that posts a WWI British Soldier's letters home in chronological order 90 years after the fact. William Henry Bonser Lamin's letters are posted at:

http://wwar1.blogspot.com

Awaiting the next invasion of Iraq, perhaps as soon as this weekend.

Via De Standaard: Turkey amasses troops on the border with Iraq in prep for invasion to deal with Kurdish (Sunni) PKK rebels.

The Turkish Prime Minister Recep Tayyip Erdogan has asked for a vote in parliament approving an invasion.

I find it interesting that this is front page in the Euro-Rags, but I have to search to find it in US media outlets.

Al Gore Wins Nobel Peace Prize, or The Difference Between Republicans And Democrats.

Congratulations to Al Gore and the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change on winning the 2007 Nobel Peace Prize!

Both Gore and Carter have now won Nobel Peace Prizes for their work. Not for work done in office, but for work done after their time as public officials had ended.

One could say of both men that they have accomplished more after leaving office than during their time as elected officials.

Both used the position of leader as a springboard to improve the human condition.

Republican presidents typically leave office and campaign for the Republican Party.

Interestingly, Republican Presidents are not well liked overseas. Democrats tend to play much better with the foreign audience.

Will Al Gore win the Nobel Peace Prize on Friday?

Al Gore is the bookie's favorite to win the Nobel Peace prize on Friday according to Belgian Newspaper De Standaard.

Al's biggest challenge for the prize is Polish WWII heroine Irene Sendler.

Good luck Al, and if you win, or even if you don't win, please run for president in 2008!

NSA Grants

Slashdot has an interesting article about googling for NSA grants.

Iftaar at our house, or at The White House?

For Immediate Release
Office of the First Lady
October 4, 2007

Menu for Iftaar Dinner

Roasted Kabocha Squash Soup
Pumpkin Oil
Crispy Lavash

Spiced Rack of Lamb
Lemon-thyme Jus
Early Autumn Vegetables

Cucumber-Tomato Salad
Minted Yogurt

Baklava with Pomegranate
Mamoul Cookies

# # #

If guns cannot be evil, how can they be valiant?

I recently inherited several of my grandfather's NRA "American Rifleman" videos. The title of one is: "Guns of Valor".

Now my question is this:

If guns cannot be evil, because they are inanimate objects, then how can they be valiant?

I have also argued that guns cannot be evil.

Mr. NRA Video Title Picker Person, I would suggest renaming the video from Guns of Valor to something more in line with our philosophy, such as:

Guns used by valiant men

Or:

Guns used by men during acts of valor

Or:

Tools of the valiant

Or:

Some guns used by valiant men, a few of whom survived to tell this tale.

Imagine how pissed the NRA would be if the Brady campaign issued a video called:

Guns of Evil



Speaking of guns of evil, here they are in reverse order:

10: Walther P22 - it wears out too quickly
9: Desert Eagle .44 Mag - So goofy that it is evil.
8: The Gun of Muhymin
7: Bersa Thunder .45 -Ejects brass into your eyballs. Bad Carry Choice, unless you are already blind.
6: CZ-52 - I know that none of you can disagree with this one.
5: SAR-1 - Trigger slap
4: Mini 14 - Should be a tack driver, but.... it's like the anti-gun of Muhymin
3: S&W Lemon Squeezer - 15 lb trigger pull
2: Saiga 12 Gauge - See reason for # 6
1: Kel-Tec P-3AT - Most likely to be put in your pocket because it's so small you don't need a holster, so that when you need it you either kneecap or castrate yourself.

The other poorly titled NRA video that I inherited is named:

10 guns that changed the world.

Don't even get me started.

The Smallest Bandwagon

Based upon my informal bumpersticker count, Ron Paul will be elected president in November 2008. The smallest number of bumperstickers are the W crowd, but I have yet to see bumperstickers from the smallest 2008 presidential election bandwagon: Bush Third Termers.



I have been tempted to create a Bush Third Term grassroots webpage, purely for the love of satire. What should I call it? I had thought of W^3, or WWW. Or, "It's the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine", no, I meant "W- Third Time's The Charm".

A google search for "Bush third term" reveals a wealth of links. Not many pro-W^3, but I believe we can fix that with a well organized, heavily funded grassroots campaign.

Anne Coulter would run the campaign. We would impose a poll tax and literacy tests because as Ann says, too many people vote in this country.

Sound crazy? Not as crazy as the "Americans for Gore" grassroots campaign to get Al Gore in the White House in 2009.

OK - I admit that I would vote for Gore.

My addiction...

So, dear readers, I must admit to you that I have been hiding something. I have an addiction. I am addicted to news. I read local and national newspapers, get Email updated from The Washington Post, check BBC News, AlJazeera, The Jerusalem Post, Times of India, etc etc, many many times a day.

CNN lost my readership about a month ago when it took too long to pick through articles about Brittany Spears and exploding fuel trucks to find the news. I decided to give up on the rest of the news sources last week. I don't even listen to NPR Morning Edition, or All Things Considered any more. (Sorry Dad).

I have noticed several things in the last week.

1. Most news is noise.
2. I have stopped taking advil for headaches. No joke, two Advils a day, saved from a fate worse than death.
3. Old habbits die hard. I still type www.cnn.com in the browser without even thinking about it, then have to erase the url and go to webmail.
4. I still find out about important news happenings. Ok clarification, I still find about things that are important to those I interact with on a daily basis.
5.I am more productive at work.

New favorite operating system!

I installed OpenBSD on the home computer several weeks ago. I customized it with Enlightenment, added OpenOffice, Firefox, the Gimp and Pico.

I fell in love with the OS when I typed "add_pkg pico" and poof! There is was!

All for free!

Enlightenment is to window managers what the X-15 is to rocket planes, nuff said.

Bush and Ahmadinejad have one thing in common...

They both wish the world's Muslims a happy Ramadan:

Via the White House Webpage:

US President George W. Bush today said the US was richer for its citizens of Islamic faith and wish the world's Muslims well as they began to observe Ramadan.

"I send greetings to Muslims observing Ramadan in America and around the world," Bush said in a statement.

"America is a land of many faiths, and our society is enriched by our Muslim citizens," he said.

"May the holy days of Ramadan remind us all to seek a culture of compassion and serve others in charity."

Via: Iranian Student's News Agency

ISNA - Tehran
Service: Foreign Policy

TEHRAN, Sep. 12 (ISNA)-Iran's president congratulated all Muslims on Ramadan through separate messages to the top officials of the Islamic countries.

In his messages, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has asked god for Muslims glory and pride.

"I hope in this holy month Muslims can take a big step on the way to elevating human societies, resolving injustice, cruelty, discrimination and eradicating insecurity and poverty," he asserted.

"Through boosting brotherhood between Muslim countries, we should create integration," he emphasized.

Scientists find difference in brain activity between liberals and conservatives.

Via the LA Times: Liberals tend to be more accurate.

Grieving Saudi Soccer Fans Look Just Like Grieving UT Football Fans

Actually, last night, I saw a group of orange clad folks who looked and sounded just like this.

French Military Technology

This video should appear in Wikipedia as the definition of "short round"

From youtube.com: Dick Cheney's Words of Wisdom

Well said, Mr. Vice President and very very well spun!

Notice to Canadians: Get ready, here we come!

For a war that was supposed to last 90 days, and has now been going on for 10 times that long, it's time to pull out the big guns:

Time for the draft!

OK. OK. Not yet, but perhaps soon.

Love and Peace.... Or Else!

From Merriam Webster:

Terrorism:The systematic use of terror especially as a means of coercion.

For those of you who think that the Islamic world holds the monopoly on fanatical murderous tyrants groping for global power, I present: US Congressman Tom Tancredo (R) Colorado.

Instead of chanting "death to (insert name of enemy here)", and prancing around shooting a Kalashnikov into the air, Congressman Tancredo stated that: “If it is up to me, we are going to explain that an attack on this homeland of that nature would be followed by an attack on the holy sites in Mecca and Medina”.

So, let me get this straight... If someone carries out a terror attack on US cities, given the reigns, President Tancredo would carry out terror attacks on religious institutions in countries that are our allies.




I am glad it is not up to you Congressman Tancredo. I have close friends that live in Medina and Mecca. I am a religiously conservative Christian, Congressman Tancredo, and will be visiting Medina along with my wife around new years to attend a wedding. How does bombing Saudis, or pilgrims stop terrorism?

Road Kill Photos From Saudi Arabia

My friend recently struck a bird with his Lincoln when returning to Saudi Arabia from Bahrain.

South park pundit, suspended?

My morning reading was interrupted when I attempted to leave Tam's blog via South Park Pundit, and was denied. I got this message:

..Sorry, this page is not available..
If you are the owner of this site and believe this message to be in error, please contact support.

Josh's URL directs to this address:

http://klee.hmdnsgroup.com/suspended.page/

They can't do this, I have to read the post that got him suspended!

It's a moral outrage I tell you. First ColtCCO gets manhandled, and then SPP gets suspended. Next thing you know, Tam will get suspended. Then there will be hell to pay.

And maaaaan I mean it.

Retro Cycling Video: 1980 World Cycling Championships

Bernard Hinault wins!

Slightly hokey and dated, yet interesting video.

Sarah Brady, please watch this:

VanDenbroucke denies suicide attempt

He's just depressed.

Read it at VeloNews.

Glad to hear he's not suicide depressed.

Frank Vandenbroucke Suicide Attempt

Via La Gazzetta dello Sport.

I pray that Frank makes it. His career is an example of the tragedy the doping has brought to the sport of cycling.

I raced with Frank once in his career, during his single season as an Amateur. I sat next to him in a garden shed getting ready for a race in West Flanders. I told several American riders with me that they were sitting in the presence of a young man with a good shot at a Tour De France victory. They looked around the cramped shed at all of the Belgians. I pointed out Vandenbroucke.

"We will try and stay with him". They said.

"Good Luck"! Was my reply. I was going to try to stay with him too. I knew I would probably fail.

The race started and I rode in the front. The pace was high and about 5 riders sliped off of the front and gained 30 seconds. I saw Frank next to me before the only hill in the course, and I got on his wheel.

He made his move about a 50 meters into the hill, which was short, and not very steep. When he stood up to go, I stayed with him for about 50 meters. I remember watching his cadence, turning in a gear 2 cogs higher than mine as he rode that hill. I remember his pale calves, large for a guy just moved up from the Juniors. He was packing a lot of muscle mass. He accelerated and caught the front group which stayed away and he went on to win the race.

VanDenBruoucke Winning The 1999 Liège-Bastogne-Liège. Michael Boogard, I feel your pain.

There were dark rumors swirling around Frank even then, it must have been in the spring of 1993.

"It was Deca-Durabolin". Said one Belgian teammate of mine.

"No, it was something else". Said my team manager. "And he had been on a year suspension with the Juniors".

After that one season, or perhaps just half a season as an amateur, Frank went on to the pros. Right away he won races.

Once he won a pro race in Antwerp in which he rode the last 20 km dangling several hundred yards off of the front of the charging peloton. The rode like madmen behind him and could not catch him. After the race, the press asked him how he managed to hold them off.

I remember his quote was something to the effect of:

"Easy, I just looked at my heart monitor and kept my heart rate at 230 beats per minute for the last 20 km".

After 220 km of racing against European pros. At 60 kph. Ouch.

Later he was busted with Amphetamines in the trunk of his car.

He was caught with EPO in his possession. He claimed it was for his dog.

Imagine what he could have been.

Should we pity him or despise him?

Belgian Federal Police Raid Quick Step Team Homes.

Via Velonews:

Early morning police raids on the homes of Quick Step staff and riders have resulted in the seizure of doping products, a Belgian prosecutors' spokesman said Thursday.

Kalashnikov Patent Enforcement

Via the Russian News and Information Agency:

Russia is trying to recoup monetary losses related to the immense global sales of Kalashnikov clones.

Good luck!

State of Zen

This morning I left the apartment to walk the dog in the "no mans land" patch of grass next to our apartment complex property. The high majestic clouds left from last night's early summer rains were blowing to the east, the orange-pink sun was rising through a gap between cloud layers. The retreating clouds had revealed the half moon in the Western sky, framed in spent cumulus.

I suddenly felt very small, and at peace. I realized that we humans live in two plains. One, the physical is what really matters, but we take it for granted. The second is the plain of human built society, and it is upon this that we focus most of our energies. Does it really matter if we get a speeding ticket on the way to work? The human written rules tell us that it matters, but does it really? With these feelings of cosmic significance and a palpable feeling of peace deep in my soul, I realized that I did not need anything. I don't covet a car, new cellphone, or even a new firearm. I felt like i did not need those possessions that I do have. They are options that I choose to own to help me integrate in this life, which I also choose.

I felt complete, and must have looked something like this:

In this state of bliss, I walked back to the apartment, the now emptied, and equally blissful dog in tow. Up the steps, we walked and I jiggled the keys and prepared to unlock the door when I noticed a pile of dog turds on the mulch next to the door. Instantly I glanced down at gizmo, who looked back at me with the dopey expression of a mutt with his brain on autopilot. Had he? I wondered. I scrutinized his face for the slightest look of guilt, and he saw me staring at him and knew that I suspected him. He started to cower and look guilty, but it could not be for the pile next to the door. He had no time to do it. Someone else had left the pile. Somebody that weighed between 35 and 50 pounds, and by the looks of it ate dry dog food, and lots of it.

My Zen state slightly diminished by the turds left by the Rogue Pooper, I went inside.

On the way back out, I saw our new neighbor standing at her door, she had a sheepish expression on her face. Odd, I thought, that she should be that sheepish, I have not even met the woman.

And then I saw it.

A boxer, about 40 pounds worth, hunched in "the position". Out of it's rear it was extruding a steaming fresh lookalike of the poop next to our door. Now I was straddled by poops. It was as if he was ranging on me, and I was right between his long and short rounds. Soon I would have to tread a mine field to get to the door. The neighbor and the boxer both had the same look on their faces. A bit sheepish, as if..... as if they knew better than to leave dog turds at the door of the apartment but just didn't care about anyone else.

My blissful expression changed to this:

Walking to the car I thought to myself. Our Neighbor has a boxer. A boxer that she lets out in the morning. Without a leash. That is a State Law Violation Right There Missy! She stands there in her apartment door while the boxer walks five feet and takes a dump. And our apartment door is four and one half feet from her door, and That is Against Apartment Policy! My Zen like state evaporated as quickly as a single raindrop evaporates from the hood of a black Cadillac barreling down Alligator Alley at noon in July.

Now I wanted to use the Human Built System Of Rules to protect the soles of my shoes from Greasy Brown Boxer Turds.

I've got problems, I thought to myself. This lady is an EMT. She dedicates herself to saving lives (a noble calling), I don't want to piss her off. How do I kindly and gently say that I think it would be better for all involved if she made the time investment required to walk to the grass?

The frailty of human bliss. I find it funny that bliss can be shattered by a few ounces of misplaced dog crap.

Zen question: Is bliss that appears with the moon and disappears with the turd really bliss at all?

Helmut Lotti Singing About Johan Museeuw

This cracked me up. Lotti makes fun of Johan's dope use and sniveling attitude. "Ik wil an wesp in mijne hesp" loosely translates to "I want a wasp(sting) in my ham". Wespen nest is the code word that Museeuw allegedly used for Aranesp, a brand of EPO when sending text messages to his dope supplier.

An open letter to Lance Armstrong

Mr. Armstrong,

As seven time Tour De France winner, former World Professional Cycling Champion, Cancer Survivor, and Hero To Many, you alone have the power to change the culture of doping in the world of professional cycling.

You have stated repeatedly that you have never tested positive for banned substances. That is true, as it is true for many professional cyclists. This is not due to their clean behavior, you know as well as I that the culture of the sport is so dirty that bribery, extortion, dishonesty and graft overcome sportsmanship at all levels, from the juniors to the pro ranks.

I know how it is to live with an overwhelming desire to win. To suffer through spring races over the cobbles to come into your moment in the summer. What if you don't peak at the right time? What if you catch a bug? Your soigneur chastises you for wearing a low collar and exposing your neck to the nasty European air, then chides you because your power is off, manneke. Your hematocrit has dropped to 42, which means that you won't be able to climb with Ulrich, who you know for sure is on the juice.

You don't trust your soigneur with preperation tips, as the last guy who followed his advice wound up in the ditch clutching his chest while turning blue about the lips. It's better to go to a sports Doctor. You know that the Doctor is right, you could take Iron and hope for your hematocrit to rise, but that is not a sure thing. You could sleep in an altitude chamber, but that takes time. Aranesp, the Doctor suggests, does exactly the same thing as the altitude chamber but is much quicker and certainly less of a hassle. What do you do? Everyone else in the peleton has done it, it's the only way to level the playing field. At least half of the amateurs are on the juice, next thing you know they will be pros and you will be washed up. You've got house payments, car payments and your cellphone bill was $2200 last month. Your contract for next year depends on your hematocrit getting above 49, which is where it was naturally before your last bout with the stomach bug. Medical preparations, tough decisions, what do you do?

So flash forward a few years. Floyd has won the tour and done something silly. Did he forget to pay off the "neutral observer"? Was the "neutral observer" paid more by someone else who is tired of Americans winning the Tour De France, or are they truly neutral now? Floyd has compounded silliness upon silliness and treated a lot of people very badly, dragged cycling in the mud for almost a year. It's only going to get worse, but there is an out. Here is what I suggest:

Come clean. Admit everything. Out the entire sport, so to speak. Name names, products, preparation schedules the whole ball of wax. Use your gigantic clout to turn the sport around. Start an organization of pro riders against preparation, working with the UCI and global anti-doping agencies. Change the rules in order to punish those guilty of using banned substances, so that it becomes an untenable risk.

It would be the toughest race of your life, with the biggest stakes. Who cares about the house payment? The future of cycling hangs on your words. In moments of turmoil and confusion, a single man with honor and integrity can change the world. Acts of selflessness are never punished in the long term, but I guarantee that the short term will be excruciating. What is there to loose? At worst you could loose all of your wealth. Is it worth trading your fancy trappings for the chance for the world to know the truth and to have a shot at cleaning up cycling?

Which is better:

Be remembered as the guy who won the Tour De France seven times and then disappeared.

Be remembered as the guy who won the Tour De France seven times and then went on and changed cycling (and perhaps all sports) forever.

Without a change in cycling would you want your children to race professionally, with all of the things that are entailed?

Flash forward 10 years and picture a young amateur with his stagair contract and nervous excitement at the start of his first pro race. Will he have to pay for preparation, with all of the accompanying worry, doubt and self hatred just to stay with the pros, or will he be able to ride and compete with his God given talent?

It's up to you Mr. Armstrong.