Why you should not smoke while carrying black powder in the tunnel under your house.

This poor guy is in for a rough couple of months.

As for me, I have no smoking signs posted at the entrance to our secret tunnel.

This reminds me of a story told by a friend of my wife. She is single, lives in a nice house. She got the house very cheap, as no one else wanted it.

The previous owner, a transvestite, had died in the front hallway of a prescription drug overdose and been found days or weeks after he expired. He had so many weapons in the garage that someone called the ATF to haul them away by the trailer load. "I'm living in Buffalo Bill's house" she would say. Unfortunately for Bill, unlike the nut in California, he never got the chance for a state sponsored Psyche Evaluation, I am sure he could have used it.

My dad will read this and fondly remember the "perfect house" that he had found for our family in Palmetto Florida in 1989. It was going cheap, as the owner had been murdered by his lover and his lovers boyfriend and left to rot inside the "perfect house" during the Florida sumer heat. I don't believe that the murderers left the AC on cold as a courtesy for the next owner.

"Hey, Jim, turn the AC down to 50 will ya.... This house will make someone a great home someday, if your boyfriend doesn't rot and stink up.... And remember to wipe your fingerprints off of the thermostat."

I remember my mother's objections to moving to that house, and my father saying: "It won't smell, they changed the carpet".