We have a high tech alarm system in our apartment. It constantly monitors all doors and windows and will sound a very loud alarm if they are tampered with. It also alerts us if there is smoke in the apartment. While highly sensitive, it never issues false alarms for thunder claps, honking cars, or rednecks fighting in the street.
It's central computer, consisting of proprietary neural network code, running on hardware about the size of a walnut, rapidly learns which threats to alert us to, and which to ignore. It has learned to ignore my wife and I as we approach the apartment, as it now knows that we are supposed to be there. It has determined that the best place to monitor the apartment for intruders at night is the path from the front door to the bedroom, as anything attacking us would have to pass through that space.
The biggest problem we have had with our alarm system is that it liked to chew on it's rear chassis. It would munch for hours, and if you gave it a whack on it's central computer housing, it would stop for a few minutes and then go back into the endless rear chassis-munching loop.
At one point we purchased a large plastic cone to keep the central computer housing end of the alarm system from being able to reach the rear chassis of the alarm system, which worked, but looked ridiculous. The alarm system had the appearance of a satellite dish. If we could plug a cord into the central alarm system and get TV, I would be all for it, but our alarm system is wireless. Add to this that the alarm system also doubles as the first line of home defense, as the central computer housing end of the alarm system is armed with a hinged array of sharp spikes, designed to inflict pain on intruders. The rear chassis protecting cone degraded the physical threat of the spike array, made it more of a joke really. There was one positive benefit: The cone amplified the volume of the auditory alarm by directing the sound in one direction, making the alarm system sound as if it were three times it's actual size. This multiplied the perceived threat to intruders, however if they did see the alarm system, they would have merely laughed, then robbed us.
We removed the alarm system from the house and took it to a repair specialist who suggested that dust and pollen contamination of the alarm system were causing the rear chassis-munching glitch.
After applying the fix (anabolic steroids) suggested by the repair specialist, our alarm system has not munched it's rear chassis once. The fix did result in an increase in the gain of the response signal to incoming stimuli, and as a result the alarm system sounds now for squirrels and falling leaves. Gone is the cone, and the endless rear chassis munching.
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9 comments:
We've got an alarm system too and the main functions are fine, but ours has different glitches: It frequently clears itself of spent liquids and semi-solids right on to the carpet, and while it is essentially an environmentally friendly mechanism, at random times it does emit greenhouse gasses.
Dad
We've got two independent systems. It's nice to have a backup, but they do have a tendency to set each other off from time to time.
If you don't get both of them reset fairly quickly, they can get themselves into a difficult to interrupt loop.
One will set the other off, you get the first reset, by the time you get the second reset it has set the first one off again and so on.
The worst thing is that there's no way to shut them completely off. I personally think this is a design flaw, but since they're from different manufacturers, I can't get any assistance from tech support.
Go figure.
My alarm system is so sensitive that sometimes the refrigerator turning on will set it off.
Does your model lay land mines in the backyard on a regular basis too?
Ours lays landmines on a daily basis. Unfortunately there is a very strict rule against leaving unexploded ordnance laying around. So, I have to dispose of the munitions, armed only with a small, green, thin, plastic bag.
Hmmm...
That must mean we have a redundantly parallel system...
(Four)
I've been using smaller ones of a different make. The alarm functions aren't as loud (most of the time) but the defense option has been surprisingly effective when needed.
Unfortunately, they tend to reject input at the most surprising times and places. It's a serious design flaw.
Sadly, these are rather high-maintenance alarm systems, which cannot be simply set and then ignored whilst their owner takes a one-week excursion of the American Southwest because while the input side of things works okay, the output would be, let us say, odiferously tragic. In desperation I attempted a different type of alarm system which has better provisions for its output, but, alas, said alarm system functions better as a morning alarm clock than as anything alerting one to burglars or other misdeeds.
For the moment I am relying upon a downstairs neighbor with an unreliable car and rather unsavory relatives who lurk in the vicinity and look menacing. It is amazing the protective services that one can buy with the occasional jump start and minor auto repair. However, this solution reminds me far too much of owning one of those touchy breeds of dogs where you're always nervous about whether it is going to rip out some baby's throat or something, so clearly in the long term I must find something better.
Ours is a two piece (Minpin/pug) autonomously heterodyning self-winding unit that is relatively low maintenance. Mobile woofers (no tweeters) that follow the family members even into the bedroom, we have found that renting a hoo-man for periods of absence maintenance is the optimal solution. The sub-units interface well, despite the minpin unit being 13 years older.
I believe that remedy for the rear-chassis-gnawing is MUCH more likely to be a corticosteroid rather than an anabolic steroid - just in case other also experience this glitch
farmist
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