The Democrats set to take over the US house and Senate have announced the following changes in an effort to destroy everything dear and holy to, well just about everyone, including their constituents:
1: The National Anthem will remain the same, however it will no longer be performed live. An official taped version will be played at all events. This version will be performed by Bobcat Goldwait on a kazoo.
2: The funds allocated by President Bush for a wall between Mexico and the United States will be used instead to re-landscape the border to make it more attractive to immigrants, as well as to provide free refreshments to our friends traveling to find work.
2a: The redeployed troops fresh from Iraq will hand out the refreshments mentioned in 2.
2b: The Federally mandated minimum wage will be increased in order to attract more immigrants to the newly re-landscaped border mentioned in 2.
3: John Murtha will be named Senate Majority Leader.
4: In an effort to reach out to disenfranchised Islamic militants, and show that we mean well as a nation, the stars in the US flag will be changed to crescents.
5: A retroactive ban on all firearms will be in place by 2007. Knives, clubs, and rocks will be outlawed. It will be illegal to even make a fist in public. Open handed slapping will become the primary means of self defense.
6: Rush Limbaugh will be stuffed and placed on display in the Smithsonian, Fahrenheit 911 will loop on a Jumbotron above the corpse. All citizens will be required to visit the display at least once in their lifetime.
7: A Congressional decree will mandate that capital letter K will replace the letter C in political words like Kalifornia, Kongress, DemoKrat, Komrade, KoolAid, etc.
8: The US military will be forced to adopt the Romanian WASR AK series of Karbines (Spelling, see 7).
9: All energy will be imported, even watch batteries. The word Green will be capitalized per Kongressional decree. Lawn mowing will be outlawed, along with tree-topping, drilling anything but cavities, and anyone caught in the act of smoking will be sent to prison for life. Folks who accidentally set their hair on fire will be granted an exception, and only have to serve 10 years.
10: All criminals currently in correctional custody will be granted amnesty. All convicted criminals in the future will receive counseling and a do-it-yourself meditative garden seed pack and aroma-therapy Kit, except for smokers, see item 9.
11: The Weasel will replace the Bald Eagle as the National Symbol, no problem in reprinting currency, as the US will be adopting the Euro in 2007.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
After a long, hard day dealing with the nursing home beaurakracy, your blog made me laugh. Thanks for brightening my day. MOM
Mom,
No problem, I thought it would be funny to look at the other side of the coin.
Jesperskibbey
Post a Comment