In no particular order:
1: Fred Thompson
Fred's candidacy takes the form of a "presidential rubber suit" stretched over Fred, who moves the mouth and eyes. He looks like a real candidate, he sounds like a real candidate, but under it all, he will always just be an actor in a rubber suit.
2: Barack Obama:
Fred's candidacy takes the form of a "presidential rubber suit" stretched over Fred, who moves the mouth and eyes. He looks like a real candidate, he sounds like a real candidate, but under it all, he will always just be an actor in a rubber suit.2: Barack Obama:
Young, inexperienced, thin, good looking, but with attitude, drive and a good dose of the force, Obama is a top contender. Once in office, he will not turn to the dark side.3: Ron Paul:
Ron Paul is not a Doctor from Texas, he is actually a Jedi Master. Ron Paul has served The Old Republic with honor for years. He would die for The Republic, and he has dedicated his life to preserving it and opposing the Empire. Paul has two shortcomings:
a: His policies are a bit squirrely.
b: He is as old as dirt.
4: Hillary Clinton
Hillary sees that she can grab [Emperor Voice] Absolute Powah! And I can guarantee the results will not be pretty. I will let you in on another little secret: Not all liberals like Hillary. I don't like her because of her rehashed '90s agenda, and because I fear that she will abuse the power of US law enforcement.5. Mitt Romney:
Innocent looking and polite, Mitt looks shiny and presidential. However, the Republic has never had a 'droid President. Most fundamentalist humans think that 'droids core beliefs don't line up with traditional human beliefs, and fear that Mitt will be more loyal to his 'droid leaders than to the cause of the Republic.
6. Mike Huckabee:
Never EVER vote for anyone who while preaching one religion, promises to increase the troop levels, military funding and broaden the scope of an ongoing war against factions of another religion. I'm sayin' it now: It's baaaaad mojo.7. Bill Richardson:
Bill Richardson is Liberal CCW's personal choice for US President in the 2008 Elections. He believes in citizens rights to bear arms, yet is against the two generations of war planned by the current U.S. leader. Unfortunately, Bill Richardson is so unattractive as to be unelectable, a pitiable truth in this era of televised presidential debates. I would suggest shaving Richardson's entire body in order to make him more attractive to female voters, but I fear that the resulting denuded Richardson would be even less attractive than the current hairy version, if such a thing were possible.
8. Alan Keyes:
It has been suggested that Alan Keys is the Republican answer to Barack Obama. I disagree. He is thin, good looking, has attitude and drive, but unlike Obama, Keys actually has experience, and a PhD. from Harvard to boot.9. Rudy Giuliani:
Rudy Giuliani, otherwise know as "Darth Tyranus", or "the Other Sith Lord", has worked for the Dark Side of the Force for years. Like Hillary, he is from New York, and even though he acts like he is Republican, he is actually an undead New York Liberal wearing a black cape.10. Dennis Kucinich:
Small, furry, cute, and dangerous to his foes if they get too close, Dennis Kucinich is resourceful and can put up a good fight for his size. Many a presidential debate has featured Kuchinch slashing away at the ankles of much larger candidates.Now for two others, one who has conceded and one who has yet to announce his candidacy:
A. Tom Tancredo:
Mr. Tancredo's short campaign could have been likened to a mental event horizon: Good ideas, words and thoughts never came out of it. Long periods of intellectually void silence were interrupted by occasional loud political burps. No one wanted to see what was actually under all of that sand.
B. Al Gore:
Gore is seen here at the 2007 Nobel prize ceremony, accepting his Peace Prize for his work to bring attention to the pollution of his home planet's atmosphere. Gore is the most famous of the candidates, has excellent experience, and recycles all of his personal greenhouse emissions inside his stylish suit made of recyclable polylactic acid produced from cornstarch. The suit comes with an attractive matching helmet which reflects UV rays and organic sheepswool cape, approved by GAIA. Gore is working with scientists to find a way to announce his candidacy that actually absorbs carbon dioxide. As soon as they are finished, Gore will announce!
15 comments:
Hilarious!
But one is missing- Sen Edwards...
So... you don't like the Hildebeest because of her re-hashed 90's agenda... cool! and yet you liken Obama to one of the good guys despite his re-hashed 60's agenda?
Obama as Luke? Really? Since when is chanting 'Change Change Change' and then yammering on about the same drug addled, flower power child of the 60's, socialist nonsense a platform?
If anything, Obama is freakin' C3PO!
Romney is Gredo & Guliani is Boba Fett, bounty hunter scum who will do/say anything for money/votes.
Thompson is Han Solo!
Kill the terrorists.
Lower Taxes.
Punch the hippies.
Go Tommy Go!
err... obviously I meant:
"Go Freddy Go!"
(just got caught up in the moment)
And the original material you present here is quality stuff! (Seriously)
Edwards - Could be Leia or Greedo.
Edwards is more like Grand Moff Tarkin.
Fred is Yoda (old, balding, talks funny, does impressive things occasionally but most of the time its just talk).
I figured that Yoda is above politics.
Hmmmm......Edwards..... Edwards......
Who is Senator Edwards?
It is nice to see political satire that can poke fun at both sides, for a change. Few it seems can have fun with political humor any more - it's all about trashing the other side.
Ha ha, but, no.
Try again.
Funny stuff.
At least now I can think of Fred Thompson as something other than a turd I left in the toilet this morning.
A rather creative metaphor, Thompson as a "turd left in the toilet". Clearly, your mind is full of...something. Full of carp, perhaps? (Yes, I purposefully transposed two of the letters just to get my point across.)
Don't know about Thompson as Han Solo - but to counter Gunstar1's comment of Thompson as Yoda ("just talk")...just remember. Yoda may have lost to the Emperor, but when was the last time you were able to lift an X-Wing out of the swamp? Hmmm? Or how many Jedi did you teach? Or, even better, when was the last time you owned someone with a lightsaber? :)
Thompson - The Force is strong with this one. ;)
Hahahahahaha dude that was beautiful. Ron Paul could even be Yoda. That would make him even older :p. And his ears do stick out a bit.
Thanks Haz. I just hope that Hillary doesn't win, or I will probably get "randomly selected" for a tax audit.
You, sir, are brilliant. I especially enjoyed the Thompson and Hillary segments. Pure genius. I really like your writing style, too. I was going to say you should have majored in English, but then that probably would have ruined your writing. Props!
John Edwards is Bail Organa of Alderaan--a respected member of the Senate who will ultimately fail at being elected Chancellor because his aristocratic ways make him seem like he's not a man of the people.
Ronald Reagan is Yoda because of his extreme age, incoherent speech (near the end of his life anyways), and service as mentor to generations of Republicans.
Ted Kennedy is Yoda because of his extreme age, incoherent speech (after Chappaquidick), and service as mentor to generations of Democrats.
With Obama as Luke, it seems your bias betrays you. Obama is clearly the "Chosen One" Anakin - while not a Sith yet, he will have to fight very hard to resist their promises of power. Should Hillary convert him to the Dark Side as her running mate, we will have our Darth Vader. (Even more striking here is the fact that Mrs. Obama despises Hillary - Padme, anyone?) We can only hope that Obama, unlike Anakin, makes the right choice when the critical moment comes. Unfortunately for our Republic, Luke and Leia have yet to appear on the scene.
I would say McCain is Count Dooku - former war hero who became disillusioned and is now yet another Sith, basically Hillary-lite. Giuliani does seem a very good candidate for a Grand Moff Tarkin - could you imagine him as homeland security secretary under Hillary or McCain?!
Finally, our two Alderaanian aristocrats, one conservative, one liberal: Romney is Bail Antilles while Edwards is indeed Bail Organa (as shown by his choice to withdraw from the race and bide his time). They are both less dangerous than the others, but no one will vote for them because they're rich like Bush.
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