Heathcote and Chadwick

The Dept. of Dirty Looks is fairly large and I have do do all of the ordering through Mr. Heathcote. The problem with this is that Heathcote has no followthrough, no ambition, drive, or desire to please or achieve much of anything other than wait a week when ordering and then sign for boxes. A month ago I ordered 300 0.5 meter long widgets via Heathcote, who wants to make all orders, and receive all orders through his office, which is big enough to park a scooter in comfortably, but not 300 0.5 meter long widgets, no matter how tight you pack them. I sent him an Email stating:

This order will arrive on a full size tractor trailer, you will need a forklift to unload it, please have it sent here (address follows) we have a forklift. It is a big pile of widgets, a mighty big pile. Taller than the hallway outside the door of the Dept. of Dirty Looks shipping office. Blah blah blah.

I hoped that the above was not too subtle, and the Heathcote would do what I asked, and ship it to my address, not his.

A month went by, and I heard nothing. No confirmation from Heathcote, not a peep. I needed the widgets, and had started cutting 0.75 meter widgets down to 0.5 meters with a band saw, just to get by. Wasteful widget cutting is not high on my list of fun activities.

Today I was across campus and decided to stop in and see if Heathcote had actually bothered to open my Email.

"Did you order the 0.5 meter widgets I requested"? I asked.

Not looking up from his game of Solitaire, Heatcote replied: "Yes, of course, they have been here for weeks, they are downstairs, they were too big to bring up here. Chadwick was supposed to deliver them to you, go talk to him".

I exhaled sharply and wondered if I need to put the "ship to me" message in BOLD UPPERCASE 36 RED FONT the next time.

I exhaled for two reasons. First, Heathcote is a fool. Secondly, Chadwick hates me, as I once asked a graduate student to perform a task I call the Amazing Feat of Workplace Prowess that is the Raison D'etre of Chadwick's employment. Chadwick was proving that he is important, and made us wait, when we couldn't wait, so when he thought that I had a lowly student perform the Amazing Feat of Workplace Prowess, he was livid.

Back across campus in my office, I was on the phone when a graduate student knocked on my door.

"Chadwick says you need to come and get the Widgets, the fire marshal said that they are blocking the exit".

I exhaled again. Twice, once for Heathcote and once for Chadwick.

I called Heathcote, who's phone went to voicemail. I left a message stating that I had no way to come get the widgets, and that they were blocking the exit, blah, blah, blah.

Next, I steeled myself and called Chadwick, who coldly asked me when I could pick up the widgets, as the fire exit to the lower level of the Dept. of Dirty Looks was blocked.

I told him that I had no truck, he had the only truck, and asked if he could bring them.

Two hours later, he arrived, and none too happy.

"What the hell do you mean by telling Heathcote that I refused to bring you the Widgets"? Chadwick shouted at me.

I realize several things:

1. Heathcote hates both Chadwick and myself.
2. Chadwick had set us up.
3. Chadwick hates me and Heathcote.
4. The Dept. of Dirty Looks has HR issues.

I apologized to Chadwick, and worked a deal that if anything arrives with my name on it in his corner of Dirty Looks, he will call me and I will take care of it.

It's too bad you can't order a box of male Silverback Gorillas.