Centrist CCW fed the dog some dry stale cornflakes this morning. Unfortunately having spent too much time in the box with nothing to do, the cornflakes were militant and highly trained. Angered at being fed to the dog, they decided to duke it out with their canine nemesis. The rebellious flakes banded together and using dog saliva as a makeshift glue, they bonded themselves solidly to the roof his mouth.
I looked at the dog and said:
"Gizmo, nobody eats cereal without milk"!
When he noticed that the flakes were retaliating the dog began to make gagging noises and attempted to remove the members of the 3rd Cornflake Battalion, Charlie Company from his mouth with his tongue and front paws. Unfortunately, he only made matters worse because mid counter attack, he was distracted by Bravo Company, hiding in his food bowl, and by attacking them, he allowed them to join up with Charlie Company. Now he was battling both Companies who were solidly dug in, and they were holding their ground.
The scratching was fruitless, as the battlefield was linoleum, and every time he raised a front paw to make an assault the other three paws would slide about, leaving him to roll on the floor, gagging and scratching. Every few seconds he would see a Bravo Company straggler on the floor and he would attempt to take them out, only to unwittingly strengthen the invading force.
At this point, I shoved the water bowl under his nose, hoping that he would use it to loosen the entrenched combatants, but he ignored it.
After mulling over the consequences, I felt that it was time to bring out the M-Bomb, as cruel as it sounds. I emptied his water bowl and filled it with about an inch of enriched weapons grade (2%) Mayfield Milk. The invaders didn't stand a chance. The battle was over in less than 5 seconds.
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1 comment:
hahahahahahahaha
this was one of your finest yet :).
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