Our new apartment.

We recently moved to a new apartment and our dog was well behaved for about a week.
By well behaved, I mean he treated the carpet with a modicum of respect. The second week however, he and the carpet were on fighting terms, I am convinced that he was trying to beat it into submission using his most potent weapons.

Monday, startled by the Maintenance man, the dog peed buckets full right in the traffic lane between the kitchen and the living room. Dutifully, we dried and scrubbed it up.

Wednesday, the dog ate a Non Food Item of Biological Origin (NFIBO) that didn't sit right, probably a dead something or a cat turd from outside, so he horked it right in the middle of the living room floor. Normally we can anticipate these events because his
Wind-up is long and loud, but this time he got us in the middle of the night. Why do dogs always vomit twice, the second round having exactly half of the footprint of the first? He apparently still felt pretty good about the contents of the second hork, because he cleaned most of that up on his own. He wanted nothing to do with the partially digested dead thing/cat turd, so I cleaned that off of the carpet with gloves and disinfectant.

That evening I saw what I thought was a small bit potato peel on the ground, so I picked it up, only to discover that it was not a piece of potato peel, it was a peanut. Then I noticed that the peanut had a dog hair stuck to it, so I examined it more closely only to discover that it was not a peanut, but that it appeared to be a horked up hairball.

Something about the hairball was not right, and so pinching it between my thumb and forefinger, I gave it a quick sniff.... only to discover that it was not a hairball at all, it was a peanut-shaped dog turd.

I had the sudden realization that I was a grown man, standing in his living room sniffing a dog turd held between his thumb and index finger.

I ran and pitched the poop into the closest receptacle, the kitchen garbage, then zipped into the bathroom to wash my hands, readied for the next round of floor scrubbing.

The next morning, the Centrist CCW emerged from the bedroom and exclaimed through a grimace:

"It smells like dog poo in here".

I related the story above to which the Centrist CCW asked:

"Why didn't you put the poop in the toilet instead of the garbage".

I thought about it for a while, I had never thought of putting it anywhere, I just wanted to get rid of it ASAP.

"When you are standing, sniffing a dog turd under your own nose, you tend not to worry about where to get rid of it, as much as how fast you can get rid of it".

Centrist CCW agreed.

It was a long week.